Celebrate!
My loan cheque came today. This is exciting, even though it means I'm in even more debt, in the long run. At this point, I don't even care anymore. I just want to reach the goal, for once in my life, and call it a day.
If it gets bad, I can just run away to Canada or something, and escape my financial obligations. Hah. Hah.
Five digits is a lot of money. I went ahead and bought Brendan a new dog bed, and new sheets for myself, since mine finally bit the dust when the fitted sheet ripped completely up the middle while I was sleeping, one night. Freaky, right? What's more pathetic is that I went ahead and slept with two sheet-halves for another night cause I was just too worn out to even strip it off the bed and throw it away. Hopefully this set will last longer. It isn't fancy, 800 count Egyptian cotton, but I figured the Nautica name could assure me some sort of lasting quality. At any rate, the striped pattern just stole my heart and I couldn't say no...but I get points for not dropping any cash on the matching quilt.
Brendan is entirely thrilled with his new bed. He ruined his little Costco shell bed when he vomited on it, but that bed was too small for him anyway. This new one is perfection!
Going to try and do a combo whitewater and riding trip with Mom! I am SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS! I can't even explain. Not only am I so touched that Mom is willing to go riding with me, but I'm so pumped about whitewater rafting. Life is too fucking short! Time to grasp the nettle of life.
Just two more weeks before classes resume. I'm glad for the break from work. Maybe it will help my feet calm down.
Stinky cria spit.
The cria at the hospital drools excessively. It reeks of something familiarly disgusting.
Autumn is coming! Aren't you excited? I wasn't expecting to be, but I am. However, it seems strange to think that October is just around the corner. An entire year has gone by and it feels like just last month, I was flying down to Florida and experiencing the horror...
Let's not talk about that.
Cool weather is on its way, which means my self-consciousness gets to wane for several months, always a relief. I'm not well suited for warm weather wear. Sleeveless? No, thanks. Shorts? Maybe in another life. And then there's the sweating. That new phenomenon is one I am quickly growing tired of; I liked it better when my face got red.
I'm nervous about riding. But that's okay. What was it that Savoie said? If you're nervous, that's good, because it's your body and mind telling you that you're ready to push yourself to the next level. I do wish I'd been able to ride this summer, though. It would have helped me so much. Life is so frustrating. Why does the person next to me have it so much easier? Sure, sure, blah, blah, we all have our own battles. I don't see a battle in the person with the perfect weight, a secure amount of money, and manageable debt. Screw that. Just doesn't make sense, sometimes.
Kinda makes me cranky.
Playing James Herriot.
My friend just phoned me. Her horse hurt himself. She wanted to know the recommended dose for a particular drug, and I was on her list of "Informed Persons"....somewhere after her trainer's name.
I guess that's where I am, right now, in life. I'm not really a Professional anything, other than a self-proclaimed self-doubter. But I'm not really a complete Amateur, either. As usual, I'm stuck between two extremes, never the sell out, never the groupie, never the president.
I am always somewhere in the middle.
Usually, that's where I want to be. Don't tie me down! Don't back me into a corner! Let me collect my facts and hug them close, they're my friends!
Except...in retrospect, my entire life has been one giant, unconfirmed cloud, one of those greyish blobs that hide the sun but never produce the precipitation you assume it's holding inside it's damp self.
Lived in 7 different states.
Attended 5 different schools; 2 different colleges.
Worked for 5 different veterinary clinics.
Have switched majors 7 times.
But now, I'll have a B.A. in December. I always thought this would change things for me, that I'd be going places, doing things, seeing people.
I suppose I am, in some ways.
But not in the ways I saw it in my head.
I saw grandeur, I saw my life aspirations, I saw bright lights and big signs, high fences and tough horses, toned muscles and no pain.
Boo.
The dogs have to go out.
